What Now?

Aaahhh...the off season....or is it?

Finally, after ten months of training, I have some decent exercise habits. Yippeee! Do I really want to give all that up, even though winter approaches?

Well....yeah, it would be nice to sleep in on a Saturday once in a while. But....no. I've worked way, way too hard for this to give it all up now. Now, that is not to say that I'm going to do 10 miles every weekend. No, I am not sure that is really necessary! However....five or six miles? A 90-minute workout on the weekend? I think that's pretty doable. I intend to keep on swimming - I have been going on Wednesdays, though we'll see how tough I really am as it gets colder. The getting in the water isn't so bad, it's the getting out! I also hope to keep a walk of a couple of miles one or two days a week going. And if I can get a yoga workout in there, so much the better. Yoga is such a good thing to do on Fridays. It just helps me let the stress of the week go!

So I'm going to try to keep at it, and hopefully by January when we start ramping up for the next half marathon, I'll be ready!

Hold me to it folks.....hold me to it!

Cowtown Race Report

Hello everyone!

The race this morning got off to a chilly start. I wore my long-sleeved "Runnin' for Rhett" shirt (a couple of people asked me about it, Randy and Beth!) (so I got to tell them about your darling boy!), which in hindsight was probably a mistake. By mile 7 or 8, it was pretty warm, so I might have been better off to suffer for a couple of miles at the beginning. But I guess you just have to pick and choose your suffering. Be miserable in the cold, or a little too warm at the end???

I was pleased to run into the fabulous doctor who delivered our daughter before the race. She is training for the CIM in December, so this was a training race for her. She says I look more fit than I was before :-)

Once things got started, it took us a solid 2:30 just to pass the start line. Then of course things thinned out as the fast people got moving and the rest of us chugged along. The volunteers were relentlessly cheery, which was great! And - drumroll please - for like the first time ever, I passed some people! Not a lot - maybe seven altogether, but hey - I passed some folks! I was faster than somebody! Who knew!

I started to develop a blister on the sole of my right foot at about mile 8. Ouch. I thought I had done all I could to prevent it, but apparently I had not.

The middle part of the race sort of mushed together - pretty scenery along the river, neighborhoods I'll never be able to afford to live in, more nice volunteers and the like. I was thrilled to see a police officer friend of mine at mile 10. He gave me a hug even though I was all hot and sweaty (bless him), and then I had to keep going.

By the last two miles, the blister was really hurting and I had to slow down. I was also experiencing some dizziness, but mostly it was the foot thing. When there was one mile to go, we were back in Land Park, so it was literally a walk in the park (though a slow one) to get to the finish. I was very happy to see some of my training partners there to cheer us on as we approached the finish! It made my day complete to see them all.

We actually sort of jogged to the finish, but once I got over the finish line, I was feeling very nauseated and dizzy, so after walking around for a little while slowly, I had a seat and then the medics came over and had a look at me. After lying down for a little while and having some fluids and salty snacks, I was feeling much better. It was good not to need so much medical assistance this time around! Maybe by the next race, I won't need any at all...

Thanks very much to all of you who helped, supported, cheered, encouraged, and made this happen for me. You are awesome!

Oh Wow. Race Day is Tomorrow!

Hi all,

This race day really snuck up on me! There I was, trying to decide already which race I was going to actually be in, and then - boom - it's here! We picked up our race packets today (nice shirts!), got a fresh supply of Gu, and....we're ordering some whole-wheat pasta for dinner tonight, getting to bed early, and then we're off!

The ten miles last weekend was work, but I felt pretty OK at the end of it. I sure hope that is going to be true for me tomorrow, because I am coming down with a cold. I felt fine yesterday, but by last night, I had a scratchy throat and was feverish and very tired. I rested a lot today, and I've been taking Airborne like it was going out of style. I am even following my mom's old home remedy of gargling with warm salt water to try to heal my throat up. I think if I'm able to rest well tonight, I will be all right. I mean, hey, I already paid for it. I might as well at least try. And if I get out there and try, unless something is really, really wrong, I'll make it to the finish eventually :-)

Thanks so much for your support, fellow teammates. You mean the world to me!

Well now, that wasn't so bad!

Another 10 miles today. Who knew I would ever say those words??? And I actually feel sort of all right, which is shocking in its own way.

Here's what I did today: in the past weeks, I have been walking for 8 minutes and then jogging for one minute. This was all good, until last week's 10 miles, after which I was in pain and having swollen knees all week long. This morning, (after a late start. Sorry team, if you were waiting around for me!) I walked for 8 minutes and then instead of jogging, I picked up the pace and did a fast walk for that one minute. Over the 10 miles, it only added 4 minutes to my total time, and I felt much, much better at the end of it. So I think that is the strategy I will pursue for the half marathon next Sunday.

Heck, I had enough energy to put on my daughter's 2nd birthday party this afternoon! Now after that, I am tired!

Ouch!

Hello!

Well, this morning was the 10-mile run, and I finished it! Yay! It sure felt good to get to that last mile. However, as I discovered once I got in the shower, I missed a spot with the Body Glide, and .... ouch! I will definitley remember that spot now! I managed an average mile time of 17:30, but if I figured it right, I think that mile 2 came in at 16:15, which would be my fastest mile ever. Yippeee!

I'm still kind of nervous about the race, but since I turned in a good performance today, I am more hopeful that I will be able to complete it well. I will have to keep in mind that my "official" time for my first half marathon is skewed, as we started about 20 minutes before the actual race start. We did that because the course was only supposed to be open for 3:30, and I was quite sure that I would not be able to finish in that time. I was right! But for the Cowtown, since they are doing a full marathon, the course will remain open for 7:30, so unless I get hurt or something, I will not have that particular worry. All of that to say, for this race, I will begin with everyone else at the start, and my official time will be a lot more accurate as a result :-)

Thanks for all the encouragement!

It's the Cowtown!

Hi all,

Well, we (my dear husband and I) have officially decided to do the Cowtown Half Marathon on October 7. Every time I think about how soon that is, my stomach churns. I walked/jogged 8 miles last weekend, which went pretty well (average mile time of 17:15, which for me is good). I was a little sore, but nothing a handful of motrin wouldn't fix. This weekend, we are slated to do 10 miles. And 12 the weekend after that. And then it's race day. Argh. Can't think about that just now!

I've been having a hard time with the idea that my dear husband wants to do this with me. He chose to do this rather late in the game (last weekend), and I felt like he was sort of trying to show me up, as if he could do with three weeks of training what takes me months to prepare for. Well, I'm mostly over it, and I hope that we are able to complete our run this weekend well. I had a minor crisis when I could not find my iPod shuffle last weekend (I listened to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on my Creative mp3 player instead, which was not so bad), but it turned up in a shirt pocket and all is right with the world. Harry Potter is great, but sometimes a person needs some music that will get you moving. I think I have the world's weirdest collection of music on my iPod (Metallica! No Doubt! Will Smith! Coolio! New Order! all right next to Grandmaster Flash, Blondie, Steven Curtis Chapman and Point of Grace!), but hey, if it helps me keep going, it's worth a little musical schizophrenia.

I just know I'm going to cry once I get to the finish line again. I already heard from one dear friend and training partner to tell me that she's going to be at the finish line to cheer me on! It means so much. I keep saying that, but it really does! Thanks...thanks...and again, thanks!

Hey! I Have Four Speeds!

Hi all,

Well, I was not able to do a proper timed mile on Tuesday at the track, but I did make the pleasant discovery that I now have FOUR speeds: walk, fast walk, jog and (slow) sprint! How fun is that!

It's those little things that make me happy. Well, actually, that's not so little, now is it? When I started this whole business in January, I most certainly did NOT have four speeds. It was more like two: go and stop. So that's progress, and a good way to see it.

I've got to figure out a way to convince my husband that we need to go to San Jose for the half marathon down there. Literally my whole training group is going to be in that one, and if I do the Cowtown, I will do it alone. Ick.

This weekend is a long run/walk (12 miles!), so hopefully I will be able to complete that well. It will be interesting to see how long it takes me to do. Two weekends back, a trio of us would walk for 8 minutes and then run for 1, which I was able to do consistently for the whole time. Now, mind you, "the whole time" was for 5 miles. But I still felt pretty good at the end, so I am going to try to do that again for this long workout.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Time to Clear the Cobwebs

Hi all,

Wow, it's been a while since I wrote anything! Sorry about that. Sooo....here is what's going on.

I am preparing, in a really sort of anemic way, to do a half marathon, which is supposed to be taking place in about a month. Yikes. So, what I think I need to do is decide for certain which event I am going to participate in, and get with it already. I was going to do the Cowtown Half, here in town, because it looked like fun and it's here in town. But, apparently I need to feel like part of a community or team, and most of my training folk are doing a half marathon in San Jose the following weekend. I think I would be more motivated to, well, train harder if I knew I was doing an event with my friends. So I'll ask 'em during strength work tomorrow night and see what the lay of the land is. I really treasure that whole team thing. It's good. And I think this lot will even wait for me to come in at the finish :-)

So, yeah, I've really been struggling with motivation. I keep thinking that it's not enough to just show up anymore, that I need to do more, be faster, or something. That there should be more happening in the results department. But I'm not faster, and then I just get depressed. I need to convince myself, again, over and over, that showing up and working out is, in fact, enough, and it's so much more than I was doing this time last year that it's hard to even put that in words. So I'm gonna show up at the track tomorrow night, folks. Slow, but I'll be there. Part of the problem is that I timed myself for what I thought was a mile and was super bummed about how slow I was. Then I discovered that I had actually gone about 1.3 miles....so I'll try the timed mile thing again this week and see what happens.

I am starting to really like swimming. I intend to keep swimming once a week...we will see how tough I really am when December comes around! But really. I'm getting better at it, it's not such a struggle all the time (who knew! Remember when I could barely get the hang of breathing?? And look at me now! I can do it!), and that gives me a smidgen of hope. I still hate the whole idea of weeds and grass in the lake water, but I can swim laps in the nice, clean, heated pool til the cows come home.

Please help me hang in there, folks. I need you all to keep me going, and you have no idea of the very huge difference you make to me. Thanks!

Leave a Comment, Willya?

Hi folks,

Well, I have my next event narrowed down to either the Rock n' Roll Half Marathon or the Cowtown Half Marathon, both of which are in October. The training plan begins this week, so wish me luck! Or, better yet, come out and join me in training. We always have a good time!

I got some good news from my doctor yesterday: since last year, I've lost 11 pounds (it doesn't sound like a lot, but I'll take any sort of loss I can!), and my blood pressure is back to a normal range. I'm really glad to have these health improvements to celebrate!

And hey, folks, someone leave me a comment every now and again, hmmm? I see my little counter telling me that people are coming on and reading....but no comments....no feedback...and it's always good to hear from people.

We are leaving to go on vacation, so it will be at least a week before I get to post again. Plenty of time for you to leave me a comment.....!

I'm Starting to Like Swimming

You know, when I started out on this adventure, I was most nervous about swimming. Swimming? Laps? 32 of them? Hundreds of yards at a time? It was just not something I had ever done before. I liked being in the water, and I was fond of water aerobics classes, but that was about it.

Today, I swam 850 yards in half an hour. Yahoo! And I like swimming! I can actually sort of feel myself getting better at it, one week at a time! Today I stayed at my "21 minutes" yardage of 625 in 21 minutes, but I swam the freestyle stroke for 75 yards straight (a new record) and did that same stroke every other lap. It's getting better.

We've got to have these moments when we realize things are getting better. When you have one, recognize it for what it is (improvement and victory!) and enjoy it! Hang onto that feeling, and realize you can have that again....and again. Just keep showing up.

I Just Keep Showing Up

It was the Tuesday Night at the Track workout last night, and there I was. Still not fast. But there...in the heat (it was about 100 degrees yesterday). But, as I stepped back to take a look at things, I'm faster than I was when I started - I generally run about 100 yards per lap now, which I never used to do. And I was even thinking last night that I could maybe run more and walk a little less next time. So, that's progress. I'm kind of afraid to do a timed mile - what if I'm NOT much faster? What if it's bad? What then? But maybe by next week I'll get over it and start the ol' stopwatch. The first timed mile I did, way back in the cold winter, was about 20 minutes. I've done a mile in 16:30 in a race, so that's better. And maybe I'll find it better yet now. It's kind of like how I'm afraid to weigh myself. People tell me I look better, my clothes are mostly a size smaller now, but I still don't want to face the scale. Gonna have to get over that one too!

So...I keep showing up. I keep working. Things get better. Not as fast as I might like, but they do get better.

Victory Comes in Many Forms

It's the Sacramento Valley in July, which means it's hot. It wasn't hot like it sometimes gets here (I think the high today was around 99, but it's not unusual for it to be in the 105 range this time of year), but pretty warm nonetheless. I am trying to get back onto the "exercise is not negotiable" thing. So I showed up, and I rode 13 miles today.

So that's a form of victory.

I was whining at Starbucks afterwards that "I am never going to be one of the fast people. Never!" when one of our Fearless Leaders assured me that it was all right if I was never fast. Now, she could have cataloged for me all the ways I am faster now than I was back in January when this whole adventure began, but underneath the whining, I really do know that. I think maybe I should not be spending my spare time watching the Tour de France, where they go faster uphill with a headwind after riding 80 0r 90 miles than I do going downhill on a Saturday morning when I first get out there. Maybe I should not spend so much time looking at all the Fast People out on the bike trail. I just got that wee little competitve bug, and it's hard not to compare myself to all the Fast People who pass me every Saturday out there.

But it's time to get a better attitude about the whole thing. I look better. I feel better. I have that sense of accomplishment that nothing else I've ever done has brought me. I smile and try to cheer on the other large folks I see out on the trail, because I know how it is. It's hard work to just show up sometimes, and it can be a struggle to keep at it in a way that it's just not for the naturally athletic. There's a whole load of emotional baggage I carry with me when I exercise, though it gets a little lighter from time to time. I know how it is. I feel it every time I go.

So....lighter baggage? Well, that's one more form of victory, is it not?

I was happy to see the ever-exuberant Praying Guy out there again this morning. I tell you, rain or shine, that brother is out there, and while he's a little eccentric, he always brings a smile to my face. I've gotta stop and talk to him sometime!

Why are good habits so easy to break?

Hello!

Last night, I hauled my lazy self out to the track for the Tuesday Night Workout that has been a part of my life for, what, almost eight months now. It was hard to just get out there and get moving! Last week, I did not go because my daughter was sick, and then on Saturday, we did not do our usual bike ride because there was a triathlon on the bike trail, so it was closed to normal traffic. So, only two exercise sessions missed, and I would so much have rather been on the couch instead of out on the track! Why is it that these habits, which I have struggled so hard to establish, can just vaporize at the drop of a hat?

But I got out there, and as we keep telling one another, when we show up, sometimes that is victory enough.

I also managed to get in the pool this morning and swim 800 yards. I did the same "21 minutes" time as I did last week - 625 in 21 minutes, but I snuck in another 50 yards before the swim team kids showed up to claim their lanes at the pool. I am liking swimming a lot more than I did at the beginning, and it's nice to feel some success there. My weight is not so overwhelming in the water, and it's good to feel that one place it's not holding me back. The bike is pretty good for that too, but the water is just special that way.

Hang in there, folks, and keep those habits! Hang onto them!

What's with the 21 minutes?

Hi all,

Lately, I have been comparing my swimming performance in terms of how many yards I can swim in 21 minutes. Why such an odd time?? Well, there is a little story. My last swimming workout before the triathlon was 500 yards, and I timed myself to see how long it took for me to go that distance. The triathlon swim was 800 yards, and I was pretty much convinced that I was still going to be out there after two hours or something. It took me 21 minutes, and I was pretty excited about that.

So, since then, I have been comparing my performance to that one, known quantity. After the triathlon, when I got back in the pool and started keeping track of my times again, I could swim 550 yards in 21 minutes. Last week, I made it 600 yards. Today, it was 625 in 21 minutes.

I've been keeping track of my times and distances in a minorly obsessive way. To me, it feels like I really have to hold on to my successes. I have to keep a tight grip on anything that vaguely seems like athletic victory. When I swim in the mornings, I keep my "Road ID" bracelet on all day, just to remind me that I did actually get up early and go swim, and that I did do a good job at it. (get your own Road ID - everyone should have one, especially if you exercise alone - at www.roadid.com. They only cost $20.00. Totally worth it.) I tell people about my little victories, because I know how easy it is to let go of them. I know how quickly things can change from "pretty good" to "horrifically overweight." It's like a sort of talisman. I hang on.

So I apologize if you ever get tired of hearing me tell you about how far I swam this morning (750 yards), or how far I rode last weekend (16 miles), or whatever. I'm trying to hang on, and keep a hold on this tenuous thread that's leading me to improved health.

In a related item, a number of people asked me if there was a "cause" I was doing the triathlon in support of. I finally came up, after many questions, with a response: I am the cause. My health, my longevity, my ability to be around to see my beautiful daughter grow up. I am my cause.

Be your own cause! Get out there and do something, and don't be afraid to tell anyone who is willing to listen about your success!

"Sugar"

Bonus Prayer Time

So I have not exactly decided yet what my next event is going to be, but it's time to do some more writing today. I've been struggling with what I do or don't have to say without the overarching theme of an Event to Train For hanging over it all. But I'll try to have something worthwhile for you...

This morning, I saw the Praying Guy not once, but twice out there on the bike trail. He's kinda out there, but I enjoy his enthusiasm, and it's always good to see him. Heck, I appreciate pretty much anyone praying for me, and one of these times I am going to have to stop and talk to him for a minute. If I manage it, and it is at all interesting, I will be sure to let you know!

I have been experiencing some improvements in health lately, and I think pretty much everyone who knows I swim knows about the Victory of the Speedo. But if I somehow missed you, I am here to say that I am now the proud owner of not one, but two actual Speedo swimsuits. The suit I had been swimming in fit well, but is not really made for what I am doing to it. I was very intimidated by the Actual Athletic Swimsuits, so I ordered one online so I could try it on at home. To my shock and amazement, it fit! And then I found another one on a clearance rack! It feels good to be getting even a little smaller. I also got to buy some clothes that are a size smaller than I have been wearing. So it's all good. I am most excited about lower blood pressure, more energy and (always) the fantastic human beings I get to train with.

One of our Fearless Leaders decided that since my initials are "CH" that my nickname ought to be "Sugar." We'll see if it catches on!

Yours in sweetness,
"Sugar"

So, What Now?

Wow. I finished the triathlon. When I tell people this, once they get over their amazement, many times they ask me what is next.

I may have officially been bitten by the racing bug. Maybe. Sometimes I think it's sort of hard to call moving at my pace "racing" per se, but that competitive spirit is apparently lurking within me somewhere, and it's starting to show itself! So far, I have been in four official races - the 10K Davis Stampede, the Shamrock'n Half Marathon, the 5K Zoo Zoom, and the Tri For Fun. I will probably be in another 5K race on the 4th of July, and I am probably going to participate in another half marathon in October. My husband has been saying he wants to do the Tri For Fun in August as a relay - I would swim in the lake with the icky grass, he would ride and then I would do the run. So far, though, I am not 100% positive he is on board for that.

I have really discovered a lot of things about myself on this journey. It's been quite the learning experience! Even though it has been painful at times (as my daily ibuprofen intake count will attest!), I would not trade it for anything. I discovered that I actually like swimming, and I think with some more work, I might get a lot better at it. I don't go into shock thinking of myself as an athlete as often. Other people are more willing to accept that I am an athlete than I thought they would be. This team of super-fantastic people that God has blessed me to train with - well, I can't say enough good things about them. Any group of people who are willing to see me in spandex, grouchy on a Saturday morning, over and over again, and not even complain about it, are great folks in my book! :-) But it's not just the spandex. It's the encouragement, the friendship, the love.

So, I don't want to give this thing up yet. I want to keep a goal out there for myself, and keep working towards it. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks! And a Race Report

I want to start out by saying a big, huge, gigantic THANK YOU to everyone who showed up to cheer me on today. You are terrific people, and I am honored to call you my friends! What a boost it gave me to see and hear you! Wow!

So I actually woke up on time today, which I was stressing about (seeing as how I overslept for the last athletic event I did and almost missed the start). I had a little breakfast, loaded up the bike, and left to go over to one of my worthy teammates' house so we could go together. Her husband gives me a cup of coffee. All is right with the world.

We get there, we get set up, things are sort of rolling along. We go get in the water. I realize that my asthma inhaler is back in the transition area. I go back, use it, and wander back over to the lake. I was kind of hoping that there would be at least one group starting after me, so there would be a sort of outside chance that I would not get out of the water last. No dice. We watch all the other groups go. With a big, deep breath, I go. There is icky grass, but I have decided by this point that the only way to deal with the icky grass is to get as shallow in the water as I can and just go through it as quickly as possible. I do this. It works(!). The first buoy looks an awfully long way out, but miraculously, it gets closer and closer. Round it I go. I notice (and am actually glad that I am noticing things) that one of our Fearless Leaders is in a kayak as part of the Water Safety Team, and that he is lurking near me, shouting out encouragement. This is heartenting. Round the second buoy, and I can start to hear my friends yelling themselves hoarse on my behalf. Time to get out of the water arrives, and I am told I finished this swim in what is for me a record time. Yippee!

I find my bike with a minumum of trouble, seeing as how about everyone else is gone already, get on it and ride. The ride, which I thought was going to be the easy part, is not. The road is not closed to traffic, and there is practically no shoulder. The hills, which are not huge, sure feel like it after that swim. I carry on. By the time I turn around to head back, I know that I am the last one on the course. But hey, a CHP guy was following me and at least I did not get run over. The loooong, gentle slopes UPWARD to the park loom before me. I keep telling myself that I will NOT poop out on the bike. If I was gonna poop out, it was going to be in the water. I will myself not to give up. It would be so embarassing.....and then I discover that I finish the ride in good time.

Transition time again. Mom and the support crew are all shouting and cheering me on. Other racers (some of whom are done already, and look very well-rested) also call out encouragement. The transition area is full of people who are packing up their stuff. Onward. Off with the helmet and gloves, on with the hat and onward! Just three miles, right? I've walked three miles who knows how many times, in heat, in cold, in rain....but not after swimming and riding. Out on the trail, another worthy teammate tells us that the first mile marker is nearby, and that the refreshments are not too far after that. We carry on. The refreshments people are fabulous, encouraging, and helpful. Forward!

The last mile is just awful. And then, appearing out of the dust as if they are a mirage, FOUR of our teammates are headed our way to walk the last mile. I get dizzy and two of them actually prop me up. Where would I be without you, gals? Where? My darling husband comes out with our dear baby for the last half mile! Finally, at last, the finish line looms....cheering, happiness, "you made it!" and a few tears of joy. I came in last, but you know, I came in! I sit, then lay down. A nice EMT guy comes over to check on me and make sure I am all right. I sit, he talks, I start to recover. My wondrous, fabulous teammates and husband load up my bike and all my stuff. Hubby drives me home.

I made it! I doubted for a while there that I had it in me. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU, I made it.

It's Showtime

Day 51
ibuprofen: 400mg on the way
1 day until triathlon

So here I am, writing one last post before the Big Day. I have had a really large part of my mental, physical and emotional resources devoted to....tomorrow for a really long time. I keep trying to counter the nerves with the affirmations. People have given me pep talks. Some of their kind words actually sank in. I had a nice pasta dinner with the family. And now I need to go to bed, because at 0430 (that law enforcement background just never leaves a person) the alarm is going to go off and then it will be time to go. Not time to get ready anymore, but time to go.

I will try very hard to get some photos posted very soon after the race. They'll be great.....me in a purple swim cap and goggles, me in Lycra trying to put shoes on, me all sweaty on the dusty run course....yeah, those photos are really going to be attractive! But you know, they will be a documentation of my effort, and hopefully, of my victory.

More on the Affirmations Front

Day 49
ibuprofen: 600mg, will probably have some more before bed
3 days until triathlon (I think that's also counting today) Holy crap. This thing is happening on Saturday. It's Wednesday. Aaaaaargh!

Yikes. I keep getting that fear/thrill/nausea thing happening. I am trying to counter it with the visualization and affirmations. Here they are:

I am strong, relaxed and safe in the water.
I am swift and graceful on my bike.
I have strength and endurance on foot.

I keep saying them to myself, over and over, whenever that nausea thing comes up.

Some truly awful things happened today, but I don't feel free to write about them on the blog as they did not actually happen to me. Sorry about that for those of you who are not already aware, but now the excitement of the race is also mixed with sadness.

Hug the folks you love tonight, people. Now. Do it now. Treasure them.

The Support Team Gathers

Day 47
ibuprofen: none so far(!)
6 days until triathlon

Every time I think about the race, I get this little thrill of excitement, fear and nausea in my stomach. It's kind of a lot to process all at once, so I am trying to counter it with some more positive thinking. I am plowing through Jayne Williams' hilarious book, Slow Fat Triathlete, and she devotes an entire section to visualization and positive affirmations. Her thoughts on this sort of thing mirrored my own at this point (as in, "what a load of hooey"), but then she wrote about how it really improved her feelings and performance on race day. So let the visualization begin! Now, I am actually a lot slower and fatter than she was when she started racing, but she could do it, and so can I. I am not going to finish this triathlon in an hour and a half (!), or anything like that, but unless I get run over by a bus or something between now and Saturday, I am going to finish this thing one way or another!

I have been just touched and moved to tears by the fabulous support and encouragement that has been coming my way just all the time the past couple of days. Friends from all over, family, training compadres, everyone...it's making it possible for me to sort of ride on your faith in me, instead of having to just imagine on my own that I can do this. I am so blessed, and I thank you all, more than you know!

Practice Run, Part 2

Day 46
ibuprofen: 600mg so far, plus an ice pack
7 days until triathlon

Most all of the team were out this morning, bright and early, for our second simulation day. I was very happy not to have another asthma attack in the water, and even happier not to get too tangled up in the icky grass. A couple of the avoidance techniques I have been thinking of using worked pretty well, so chalk one up for planning in advance....

The bike ride was very hilly (ouch), and I walked about 2 1/2 miles, just 1/2 mile shy of the race distance. I feel pretty good about my performance today...the transitions went all right (note to self: check toes for lingering sand before putting on socks!), I remembered all the stuff, and actually felt sort of cheery at the end.

So this week is the time to kick back a little, give my body a chance to recover and be in prime shape for Saturday. It's amazing to imagine that by this time next week, I will have done something most people never do, and something I never imagined was possible for me. I'll still be "just me," but "just me" with a load of victories, large and small, to carry with me into the future.

I Can Go the Distance

Day 45
ibuprofen: none so far
8 days until triathlon

So I am trying to overcome the whole swimming-in-the-lake thing. I went to the pool on Wednesday and swam 1000 yards, just to prove to myself that I can swim farther than the race distance. I spent much of the time imagining how I was going to get through/over/past the grass in the lake, and really trying to strategize in my mind how I will succeed. Whenever that little feeling of dread pops up in the pit of my stomach, I am trying to counter that with some positive visualization and thoughts.

We are doing another race simulation on Sunday. I have all the stuff I need to complete it, and I think if I can do that simulation well, I will be in a really good mental space to do the event.

It's next Saturday, so here's hoping!

It's Time for Some Positive Thinking!

Day 42
ibuprofen: none yet, though that will probably change!
11 days until triathlon

OK, so I have been getting really sort of freaked out about the race and how it's going to be so hard and I am going to be like the last one in. And I've been having visions of having trouble in the water and all of that.

It's time for some positive thinking.

I have to quit focusing on how the whole swimming thing is giving me a hard time. I have to quit imagining the race with dread. It is time to (and thanks for the push on this, Rachelle!) start thinking about how great it's going to feel to finish. It's time to imagine what it's going to be like to finish each step, knowing that I have prepared for it and I have everything I need (in not only a physical, but also emotional and spiritual sense) to do this thing. I have to picture it clearly in my mind, how great it's going to feel to get out of the water (!), how I'll be able to finish the ride, how there will be nice people handing me water on the run. And then....how my team and dear husband and friends will be there at the finish, cheering me on.

So help me focus, folks. Challenge me every time I whine. Keep me on track to do this thing!

Anxiety Reduction...an attempt

Day 41
ibuprofen: none (not quite sure how that one happened)
13 days until triathlon

Today we went for another swim in the lake where the race is going to take place. The water was a lot calmer than it was last time we went out there, and I actually managed to (1) do a crawl stroke for a little bit of the time and (2) mostly avoid the weeds, which in the basal ganglia or whatever that most basic part of your brain is, I am sure will suck me in and drown me. Our resident science teacher carefully explained to me that these are not viney weeds and are extremely unlikely to actually catch on to me, but you know, sometimes logic just does not obtain. I looked at today's swim as just an exercise in anxiety reduction. I keep hoping that if I keep going out there and doing what I need to do, when the Big Day comes (looming closer all the time....makes me a little short of breath just thinking about it....), I will be able to complete it with a minimum of freaking out.

If I can just get to my bike, I think I'll be fine. If I can manage to breathe while in the water, I will be fine. If I can get in the lake and back out of it at the other end....I will be fine. Really. I'll be fine.

It's the Mental Stuff That Hangs Me Up

Day 40
ibuprofen: 600mg so far
13 days until triathlon

Yesterday, we did a race simulation at a local lake and surrounding area. We swam what should have been a fairly short and doable distance, then did the transition to riding, then to running/walking. I had an asthma attack shortly after I got in the water, so that just made everything a struggle. It was frightening, and since I think the attack was brought on by anxiety in the first place, it just made it all that much harder. It takes a lot of focus to purposely slow your breathing down and get in a calmer space! Thank God, very literally, for my "anti-drowning patrol!" I didn't even really realize it at first, but several of my more-able teammates took it in turns to swim alongside me (slowly!) and keep me focused. I felt embarassed at first and then very thankful for all of you for making sure I was safe and able to complete the workout. You are angels! And a huge thanks also to the one who remembered her inhaler when I did not....!

For all that struggle, I am really glad to have gone through that day. I imagine there will be people who show up at the race who have not really gone through the whole checklist of what to bring with them, who have not tried going from one event to the next, and it's going to be hard for them. I'm glad to have the mental preparation.

And you know, so very much of all of this is the mental stuff. We can make our bodies do all kinds of things, if we are prepared mentally. We can push and push and get where we need to go, and it's a lot easier if we know what to expect, how it's going to feel, and what lies ahead. That is what I have a hard time with, and that is what this training is helping me do. We are going to rehearse again next weekend, and then it's The Big Day. I get nervous just thinking about it, but hopefully a couple of more open-water swims and another race simulation will help me get it all ready in my mind, so I can then push my body to come along.

And I've already added "asthma meds!" to my checklist of stuff to bring!

More Swimming Thoughts

Day 36
ibuprofen: 600mg
17 days until triathlon

After the "fear factor" event that was Monday's swim at the lake, today's 850 yards in a swimming pool was positively tranquil and ... easy! Who knew that I would ever say that swimming more than half a mile anywhere would be easy, but there I was! In past workouts in the pool, I have often ended a set with a backstroke lap to kind of give me a chance to breathe. Well, maybe the lake scared it out of me, but today, I did not do a single lap of backstroke. I was in there, swimming my funky strokes, but not kicking back at all. And it was pretty good!

I noticed something else about myself today. On the way out to the pool from the locker room, I usually wrap my gigantic beach towel around myself until I get right up there to swim. But on the way back, when that towel would actually be useful for, say, drying off, I no longer care. It's like I am saying to myself...."you know, I don't care who sees my cellulite-ridden thighs! I just swam half a mile! So there!"

Ah, that I could have such positive messages about body image going on in my mind more often. But you know, as I have been going through this training process, I have been having these moments more often. I tell you, change is afoot.

I actually paid up for my race registration tonight. I was really nervous about doing it. They don't give you your money back if you change your mind. I guess I'm actually going to do this thing!

If We're Here, We're Not Failing

Day 34
ibuprofen: none so far (how did that happen?)
19 days until triathlon

My poor training partners. They never know which offhand comment they make is going to become fodder for the blog :-)

Today's swim was out in the lake where the race will take place. This was, mind you, following a day where I'd had one technical problem and frustration after another all day long, so I was not exactly feeling super-confident. And open-water swimming is not for the faint of heart. The water was cold. It was very choppy, and I felt like I was fighting the waves at every moment. How on earth am I going to do this? But then, one of the gals said, "You know, if we're here, we're not failing." Even though I felt like I was maybe getting an inch a stroke in the water, and having such a hard time breathing, I was there. So even though I was tired, and even though I was really, really slow, and even though I stopped a little early, I was not failing. I was there.

Another day of victory...

Evidence of Progress!

Day 32
ibuprofen: 400mg so far
21 days until triathlon

It's been a few days since I posted, so I apologize for that. It has been really something to me that people keep coming to me and saying that what I have to say inspires them. Thank you, thank you! This little blog's reason for existence is to do just that.

So....on today's ride, I went two miles farther than I went on a very similar ride last week. That felt really good, like some solid bit of evidence that I really am getting stronger and doing better. I was having sort of a hard time today getting going - I just could not find my groove or a comfortable pace, but I guess it worked out all right!

Monday, several of us are planning to do a swim in the lake where the triathlon will take place. It will be good to get out there and sort of see how it goes, and since I am all for planning ahead and knowing what's coming, it will be great for me to see it and get a feel for it. The swimming is improving, but it's still my weak point.

And...a big shout-out to all of you who are coming on and reading my blog - as of this post, I've had 120 visits! Yippeee!

I Can Do Things That Are Hard

Day 28
ibuprofen: 400mg
25 days until trithalon

Tonight was a "brick" workout, one where we do more than one event back to back. I am not sure why it is called a brick...maybe because it feels like you are hauling around a load of bricks by the time you get home, perhaps to reduce the load of bricks I already have in my backside! So we are there, on bike trainers by the side of the track so we can hop off them (well, "hop" might be too strong a word) and run. One of our Fearless Leaders is doing it like a spinning class, where we do intervals every now and again. He says to imagine that something is chasing me. By the end, I am convinced that I would be eaten by hyenas on the veldt. But then I got off the bike for the last time, and I wish I had timed it - I really felt like I was walking faster than I had been earlier in the evening, even though I was tired. It was like the body was in the mode of going faster and just kept going.

The real fun came, however, while we were stretching out and doing some core work. Our other Fearless Leader is encouraging us to do push-ups. Push-ups? But I am a wimp, I think to myself. "Try for 15!" she says. "I think I'll try for two!" I reply. So I do two. I do three. By the time I get to ten, it's getting sort of pretty hard. But...I can do things that are hard, I think to myself. It just sort of popped in there. I hung in there and did 15 push-ups.

I can do things that are hard.

The real change I have observed in myself through this training is in how I think of myself and what I am capable of. I could probably go out there and have gastric bypass surgery or something and lose a hundred pounds....but I would bet money that even after all of that, I would still think of myself as a large, non-athletic person. This is slow, and the changes are not really huge so far (though things are changing! yippeee!), but it's giving me time to work on the inside, on how I think of and see myself. I did not really think it was possible for me to experience this sort of fundamental shift in self-perception, but...it's happening. I see it. I feel it, and at these moments of effort, it comes through.

I really can....do things that are hard.

The Power of the Group

Day 26
ibuprofen: 800mg
27 days until triathlon

So it's Mother's Day today, and what were the lot of us doing this morning? Training! Yippee....

Who would have thought a year ago that I would choose (of my own free will, and changing around the training plan to do this, I might add) to crawl out of bed before 0700 on Mother's Day so I could go ride and walk/jog? (and a year ago I did not think I could jog anywhere, period) I never, and I do mean never would have done it on my own. But I was not on my own! Pretty much of our usual crowd was there today, and cheery about it to boot! And then there was our Fearless Leader, handing out (rather, tossing) Sport Beans with happy little ribbons tied to them to all the moms. Just what a person needs to bring a smile to their face, I tell you.

But I was not on my own, and that's what keeps bringing me out there. I have discovered this thing I can do, and there is this miraculous group of people who are doing it with me that I can just be myself around. I can try something and have a hard time with it. I can fail around them. I have people who understand what it means to me to succeed. They cheer me on, lift my spirits and help me dig deep for strength. (getting misty-eyed here. Someone hand me a kleenex...) Yeah, I pretty much am slower at basically every event in the triathlon than, well, anyone else in the group. But I don't feel any sort of snobbery or anything like that. We're in it together, and it's a beautiful thing.

Having a hard time getting motivated to get out there and do something? Find yourself a group of friendly, caring folks. It makes a world - no, a universe - of difference!

Will it be enough?

Day 24
ibuprofen: 400mg
29 days until triathlon

So, it's now officially less than a month until race day. I have been following the training plan pretty diligently - I did not get up at 0500 on Thursday to ride my bike as I have been doing, but I did get out the bike trainer last night and rode on that for about 45 minutes. But for the most part, I have been following the plan pretty closely. I can feel that I am becoming stronger. Today I put on a pair of capris that I have not worn since before my baby was born (yippeee!). I'm getting better at swimming, and I feel more confident. So the question becomes....will it be enough? Am I going to be strong enough? Am I going to be fast enough? Will I have enough endurance? Will I have enough patience with myself not to give up? Will it be enough?

(deep breath taken here) I know from the half marathon that when I follow the plan, I should be able to finish. Now, it took me a loooong time to finish that half marathon, but I did manage to do it. So...if I'm doing the prep work I need now, it should follow that I'll be able to finish this event as well. So I've got to believe in myself, in the plan, in my training partners....we've all got to believe together that we can do it.

I'll believe if you will.

More Swimming

Day 22
ibuprofen: 400mg
31 days until triathlon

Today was the longest-yet swim (though there is much more to come), and I thought it was time to update the internal dialog as I am swimming:

OK, you can do this! Deep breath, stroke stroke stroke stroke, roll over to breathe, oh yeah kick....not too deep...there the surface is, keep kicking stroke stroke, roll over, see it's sort of working, breathe....oooh look at the pretty designs on the bottom of the pool from the waves....breathe, keep moving, almost there.....

So that's about one length of the pool. I personally thought it was a great moment when I started noticing the patterns on the bottom of the pool instead of freaking out about being able to breathe. Swimming is still the hardest part for me, and I seriously doubt I will be able to do a crawl stroke for much of the race, but I'm doing so much better.

I am really trying to look at each day, each training, each small victory and build on it. We spend so much time feeling like we have failed. It's hard to combat that in the mind and heart, but I'm making a conscious (Lola, did I spell that right?) effort to remember those victories and let them pile up into a great big stash of energy in my spirit.

Think You Can't?

Day 21
ibuprofen: 600mg
32 days until triathlon

It's really been sort of interesting to tell people about this training that I am doing. Most of the time, when I tell someone I am training to do a triathlon, I am met with a sort of silent amazement, followed by "There is NO WAY I could EVER do something like that!" And I have to say, really folks, you could. You could do this. I mean, look at me! There is not a person I train with who is larger than I am, and I am pretty much slower than everyone. Yeah, I have to look a little harder for clothing and that sort of thing, and I definitley have a lot of extra weight I am carrying around. This makes it harder on my knees and harder to do everything, period. But I'm doing it. And I tell you, if I can do this, so can anyone who is willing to devote the time, the energy and the heart to get out there every day and follow the training plan.

Now, I know those are not small things. My biggest battle is always getting dressed and out the door. Once I get out there, I can normally do whatever I set out to do. There are so many things that get in our way - time commitments, life generally, and those roadblocks in our heads and hearts. Belive me, I have (and do) experience all of these things. One step, one workout, one day at a time, though, I am finding a way...a path...a lane through it. I wish everyone I know could find a way to do one thing that they thought was impossible. It's an amazing thing, and that sense of accomplishment is just so great. That's what keeps me coming back, day after day - that feeling in my heart that I did this amazing thing, and no one can ever take that away from me.

So try something today. Just one thing. You never know where it might lead!

Thanks!

Day 19
ibuprofen: 600mg plus a couple of ice packs on the way
34 days until triathlon

Today I rode 16 miles on my bike, and even with stopping twice to get a drink and regain some feeling in my toes (my toes keep going numb on long rides. I must be pinching a nerve somewhere.), I made my goal distance in 1:32. It was supposed to be an hour and a half-long ride today, so it was really nice to go the distance I was hoping for.

While I was trying to keep up with everyone, one of my trusty training partners kept reminding me that I only had to worry about myself, and that the goal was just to get there. And if I keep at it, and do all the training, I will get there. It was good to be reminded of this fact! So thanks, trusty training partner!

You know, this seems like such an individual sport, but really, honestly, I would have basically no hope of doing this if it were not for the vast team of people who are behind me and all around me. My husband, for example. He goes back and forth between being proud of me and being a bit frustrated about the child care duties he is taking on. But he keeps helping, keeps supporting, keeps going. My friends and co-workers never fail to congratulate me on what I've already done and encourage me to keep going. And then there is the training group - I know we all keep each other going, so it's really important to me to see you all every week. So, thanks to each and every one of you! You make this sort of non-athletic person, who'd really rather be sitting in a chair doing embroidery or reading, able to get out there and do something great. Thanks!

Just a Little Walk Today

Day 18
ibuprofen: 600mg with breakfast
35 days until triathlon

On this very windy (but sunny and nice) day, the workout of the day was just a 30 minute walk. My husband and daughter came along, and hubby helped me count cadence...the goal was 22+, and I was way over that, so maybe I am doing something wrong. I will have to check with our Fearless Leaders and see if I'm doing it right. Counting does not seem like it should be technichally difficult, but you never know. Math is not my strong suit :-) Baby fell asleep in the stroller on the walk, and that's fine. What I want for her in her life is for exercise and all of that to be just a regular thing - fun, not unusual and something she will do her whole life. I don't want her to struggle as I have.

For the walk today, I revisited some of the area where the half marathon I completed in March was. It's a really nice neighborhood, nice to walk in, look at houses I will never afford, and get some exercise. And I remembered that feeling of finishing that was so great! It was so strange when I finished - you would think I'd be all smiles, but I completely broke down in tears! I was just so overcome that I had finished this big thing that at first seemed so impossible. Maybe the happy dance will come at the end of the triathlon!

Tomorrow is a long ride, and I'm hoping the winds die down. But if not, I guess I'll just ride in the wind! My goal is to ride the event distance (16 miles) in the time we have allotted, 1 1/2 hours. Last weekend we did 15 1/2 miles in about that time, so I am hopeful that I will make it. We have a couple more long rides, and I hope that I will be able to complete the race distance with (relative) ease, and so feel a little more confident as race day approaches. I don't want to start getting all nervous about it now, though. I have another month to go...

Oh yeah, and in a victory for craigslist, I picked up a nice bike trainer for $80.00 last night. What a deal! The guy who was selling it was super nice, and hopefully I'll be able to put it to good use. The streets around where we do our Tuesday night workouts have not felt really safe to me to ride on, so having the trainer will really help me feel better.

Egads, to read this, it seems like everything is all about making me feel better. Really, I know it's not all about me. Really. It's just that as I think about this event and what it will mean to me to finish it, I want to do everything I can to mentally set myself up for success. So I probably am a little focused on myself in regards to this. Maybe that is all right for now.

Thank God for Rest Days

Day 17
ibuprofen: 600mg I think
36 days until triathlon (I actually counted 'em this time)

Just about the time I think I just can't go on, a rest day arrives. Yippeee! The toddler is still refusing to nap, but so far today, she is not screaming (a vast improvement). I am going to look at a bike trainer tonight, so hopefully it will be as good as it seemed on craigslist, and I'll get one for half the price!

It's really good to have the rest days. Even though I am still kinda sore, I can step back, think about how I really am enjoying all this, and especially how much I like feeling stronger. I have never in my life thought of myself as being athletic...yet here I am, doing something many athletes never do. I never thought I was capable of this...yet here I am...doing it. It's a good feeling, and I like it! So my knees creak some. They do that anyway. So I am a little achy. It just sort of reminds me of what I'm doing.

Of course, someone is going to have to remind me of how I was saying all this was no big deal...but for today, it's all right.

Song of the Day....and I am really, really tired

Day 16
ibuprofen: 600mg so far and more to come
35 days until triathlon, I think

OK, so on the heels of my thought for yesterday, this song came up on my iPod at 5:45 this morning while I was walking....the song is called "Unwritten," by Natasha Bedingfield

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten...

There is so much out there to do and see and feel, and no one can do it for me. I have to get out there myself.

Which brings me to....I am exhausted. Really. Truly. On Wednesdays, I go to choir rehearsal at my church, which I really enjoy and it's great, but I often don't get home with the baby until about 9:00, then it's dinner and bath and bed for her, and by the time I finally turn in it's almost 11:00. So when the alarm goes off at 5:00, I (so far) have been able to get out there and do what I need to do for my training. But then I have to go to work. And then I have to be a mom. And right now, my dear toddler refused to take a nap this afternoon and is screaming. So I have to do something about getting more sleep on Wednesday nights if I'm going to keep this up. I have to keep this up. It's finally starting to show that I am doing all this training, and I have to keep this up.

I better keep that happy and inspirational music going on the iPod!

Tip of the Day and a Deep Thought (well, deep for me anyway)

Day 15
ibuprofen: none so far, but that will probably change...
38 days until the triathlon

So today, I got my Tip of the Day from one of our Fearless Leaders, and this has already made a difference in how I swim: I had been lifting my head out of the water to breathe, which, after a while, kinda makes your neck hurt. And when your neck hurts, then it's harder to get your head out of the water to breathe. Then you have a harder time breathing, which then leads to panic and thinking you are going to drown. (I feel like Yoda here, explaining how anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering....)

And what was the Tip of the Day? Don't lift your head out of the water, just roll over on your side a little more to get your head out. One simple thing. Much reduced breathing difficulties and panic. A wee bit of relaxation in the pool. And a lot of gratitude on my part!

You swimmer folks probably already knew that little tidbit, but it was one of those little things that makes a lot of difference to me :-)

Another thought: I was struck by an offhand comment I heard recently, "We didn't know the last day was going to be the last day." It was in reference to something completely different, but the impact it had on me was this: I don't want to live putting off something I want to try, or letting beautiful moments pass by unnoticed, or waiting for something to happen that may never come before I can "really" live. I want to notice it all, do whatever I can and keep moving. Because we never know when that last day is coming - whether it's death or injury or heartbreak or whatever. We never know. So it's time to live ... while it's still called today, as the prophet Isaiah put it. Today.

Oh, and thanks to one of the other group members for encouraging me to find a way to put a counter on the page...it's great to see how many visits I'm getting :-)

Keep moving...

Day 13
ibuprofen: none so far...

Another swimming workout today, and I am having a devil of a time with the "crawl" stroke. So here is what was going through my head as I went along...

breathe, stroke, stroke, oh yeah, I have to kick too but not too deep oh geez I gotta breathe...
stroke stroke....nose full of water, splutter, oh yeah I have to kick too holy crap....too many things to think of at one time...gasp...don't hold your breath....mouth full of water...oh yeah I have to kick too...geez I'm gonna drown....people are gonna laugh at me because I can't even breathe right when I'm trying to swim...maybe they will be too busy doing their own thing to notice. Maybe only the lifeguards will be watching, and I don't care if they laugh at me. Try to breathe, stroke, stroke....another nose full of water....why oh why can't I do this right....try to breathe....just keep moving, even if it doesn't look good....keep moving, keep moving....

About this time, I flip over onto my back and do a backstroke for a while. Sometimes I bump my head into the side of the pool (ouch). I can do all kinds of funky side and back strokes. One of our Fearless Leaders tells me there are no rules about how you get to the end, you just have to do it under your own power. Maybe I will get the Funky Stroke Award. And as long as I make it to the finish, maybe that is all right. I'll try to keep moving.

Riding and the heat

Day 11
ibuprofen: 1200mg and counting

Today was slated as a 1-hour bike ride, so I got out there and started riding with some of the fabulous folks I have been training with. So I'm out there, and the one gal who is most at my pace and I get to the 30-minute mark. We are supposed to turn around and come back. She says to me, "Let's go just a little farther! Just a little bit farther." I grudgingly agree to a very small bit farther. We don't have to go fast, she tells me, we just need to go a little farther...

By the time we got back, we had ridden 15 1/2 miles, and shockingly, we still felt pretty good. Just a little farther, huh? But see, this is the benefit of training with friends. They push you to do more than you thought was possible, and encourage you all along the way. It was so great to meet the rest of the group at Starbuck's afterwards and have a little victory to share!

The Praying Guy was out there this week, and it was nice to see him. Good to know he's still out there on the trail, praying for all the folks he sees.

I'm a little concerned about the heat. This event is supposed to be taking place in early June, and it was already so warm today that it had me thinking about how much hotter it's going to be. I was wearing about as little as I could in decency, and everything was the proper "techy" athletic materials, so it wasn't so bad, but what if it's 104 or something on race day? I guess I just will have to get used to really hydrating in a serious fashion. But I tell you what, if I make it through all this training to the Big Day, I will finish it one way or another unless I get hurt or something. After all this work, I'm going to really want one of those pictures of me crossing the finish line!

Thanks again to everyone who's been reading this and posting comments and telling me what you think. It means a lot to me!

Can I really do this?

Day 9
ibuprofen: none so far, though I'm spending a lot of time thinking about it...

Wow...today, I got up at 0500 to ride my bike for 45 minutes and walk for 15. I am so tired I can barely sort of function, and I got positively crabby with some of my students today. I am starting to wonder if I really have whatever it takes to do an event like this. I have some doubts. I am going to really try to hang in there. Tomorrow is a rest day, so maybe I'll feel better once I've had a chance to get a full night's sleep and relax a little.

I don't want to give up. I've given up on so many things in this life. I want to hang in there.

Help with swimming!

Day 8
ibuprofen: 600mg with breakfast

Today, I had a great opportunity to work out in the pool (the nice one) with one of my training group who has also been a competitive swimmer and swimming coach. It's amazing how much a few pointers can really help! So thanks for the assistance!! I may actually be able to finish this because of you!

I woke up this morning tired pretty much everywhere, and it was pretty much all I could do to get myself out of here and on my way to the pool. But thank God (really, truly), I got there and got some help with my swimming so now I feel a little more confident, and I'm getting a little of that sense of accomplishment.

Thanks also to everyone who is posting such thoughtful and encouraging remarks. You're making a big difference for me, and I appreciate it!

Swimming and the Neighborhood

Day 6
ibuprofen: shockingly, none so far

Today was a swimming workout, which I did. I don't think anything adequately prepared me for all the juggling I was going to have to do with child care in order to get this training in. When I was training for the half marathon I completed in March, I could at least take the wee one in the stroller and get a couple of miles in that way. It's not so easy to do that with the pool!

So for today's workout, I took baby to my mom and swam at the high school pool in the area where she lives. Now, this is not a bad area - it's pretty regular by most peoples' standards. And the pool is adequate (though a bit chilly!), but nothing fancy. There are no locker rooms or facilities for changing in or out of a swimsuit, much less rinsing out the chlorine from your hair. But the lifeguard was super nice, and, you know, it was OK.

Contrast this with the stupendous pool I swam in last Wednesday. In Suburbia, they take their aquatic facilities seriously! The locker room is super clean, super nice, and there are lockers to put your stuff in. The pools are heated. There is music. Everywhere I looked, I said to myself, "Dang, this place is niiiiiice!" Now, mind you, it costs almost twice as much to use this pool as the other one, but ... I think it's probably worth it.

I am going to try very hard not to get on any of my soapboxes about education funding, equal access to facilities, schools and education, cultural experiences and chances to try things you never thought of before....but wow. The differences in these two areas, both of which are within half an hour of my home, are mind-boggling. If anyone is interested in these sorts of issues, there was a really good book published last year by Jonathan Kozol called The Shame of the Nation. I highly recommend it to anyone who is concerned about issues related to equity and education.

But enough of that. I got in the pool today, I did my workout, and I actually feel pretty good. Hair smells like chlorine, but that's all right for now.

Walking!

Day 5
ibuprofen: 400 mg so far

Hello!

Today, my husband and daughter and I all participated in a 5K event to benefit our local zoo. I say "participated" because my husband ran, I walked and our little one rode in a stroller. It was forecast to rain this morning, but the weather was glorious - beautiful sunshine, cool, and a little breeze. We also got to visit the zoo after, so we went and took a look at the reptiles and penguins until the little one lost patience.

It took me longer to finish the 5K than I would have liked, but I was pushing the stroller most of the way. We don't yet have one of those dandy jogging strollers, so things were not as speedy as they might have been. I just keep telling myself that the point is to get out there and do something, and finish - not necessarily to do a certain time. There will come a point in this training (soon, I think!) when I have to worry more about time, but today it was mostly just to get out there.

And it was fun! I hope that our baby grows up thinking that athletic things are fun, not work!

Riding today!

Day 4
Ibuprofen: 1200mg

Hi all,
Today we rode out on the bike trail for an hour. My worthy training partners all left me in their dust :-) but I was able to complete 10 miles today. We all agreed that this was not the best we've ever felt riding, but I'm sure we will all hit our stride soon.

I love being out on the bike trail on Saturday mornings. There are athletes of all shapes and sizes, and everyone is very free with a smile, a "good morning" or a "great job!" I find that when I am feeling low on energy and a little down, it always makes me feel better to encourage someone else. So if you hear me shouting out "Great job! Keep it up!" all along the trail, it's because I need a little lift myself, and it always makes me feel better when I see other folks smiling.

The Praying Guy was not out on the trail today, which is too bad. There is this dude who is out there most weekend mornings, praying for all the people he sees out there. He kinda freaks some of the folks out, but I'm always glad to have someone wishing God's blessings on me, even if he is a little nutty. Heck, I'm a little nutty just being out there!

One more day of training down! Another day of victory! Yay!

Hello and welcome!

Day 3 of training
Ibuprofen intake: 400mg

Hi all!

I just started training for a triathlon, which is something I never, ever in my wildest dreams thought I would do. I'll post my successes and failures, needs for band-aids, ice packs and ibuprofen, and hopefully give a lift and some encouragement to anyone else out there who wants to try something they once thought was impossible.

I have struggled with my weight for YEARS, and finally reached the point where I thought it was possible to Do Something Big to try and change my life. Now, when I say "struggled with my weight," I want you to understand that I could lose basically an entire person to be at the "proper" weight for my height of six feet. I started out this year by joining the Runnin' For Rhett group in training to walk the Shamrock'n Half Marathon this March 11. Most of the rest of the group actually RAN the half marathon, but I walked it with a couple of good, dedicated, and equally nuts friends of mine. When one of the group sent out a congratulatory email to the lot of us and said, "triathlon anyone?" I laughed out loud, because even after doing the half marathon, I just could not imagine that I could do this.

But here I am. I have completed my first few days of training. I have some sore muscles. But I think, down deep, that I have the hope and the strength to do this thing.